Finally I am coming back to my old senses now. Thank you for those times that you’ve shared cause at one point it made me smile again and hope again. This time I know where I should stand. I can’t promise anything for now but hopefully everything will be just fine.

There are things better left unsaid to make stay things the way they used to be. I don’t want to lose you. I just wish that I will not be wasting my life thinking about the what-might-have-beens.

Hope I didn’t leave anything hanging.

I have know idea that xian has a meaning when I choose it as my pen name and eventually became the name of my blog  until last december when I went to this Good Earth restaurant at Greenbelt 3. Well, xian is exactly different from what I have depicted before. Hehehe..   

Anyway here what it means: 

“The Xian are beings who have gain immortality despite not being deities. They were said to live in the Kunlun Mountains, the location of the sacred peach garden where Xi Wang Mu, the Queen Mother of the West, grew the peaches of immortality which they eat to ensure eternal life.” 

For me,  xian is a camouflage of my true identity.

LAST CONFESSION
by Mystique

It seems the world is against us
I don’t know the reason why
History keeps repeating itself
But why do I have to fall every single time?

Now you’re starting to get cold
And it’s giving me the chills
You must’ve gotten tired of everything
You just don’t want to go on like this

I’m shattered by your actions
Devastated by what they mean
Yet I’ll keep my mouth shut
Try to be dense of what’s happening

My last confession is that —
Though we can never be
Once in my life, I really hoped
There could’ve been you and me

I’ve been busy for the past few weeks that’s why i can’t update this blog, and even if I find sometime to write I can’t think of anything! Anyhow, these words pop up to may brain in an interrogative manner.

Satisfied – a little
Pressured – yeah i guess
Terrified – No
Afraid – in some way, yes
Bored – sometimes
Wasted – I think so
Happy – i do not know
Loved – too complicated to answer
Tired – yep
Addicted – Yes
Perplexed - yes i guess
Scared – im not sure
Captivated – i believe so
Blessed – yup

Tsk tsk! My mind is empty right now (well, always empty actually..hehe). I’m quite tired but actually i like it since my time is occupied and i don’t have to think of anything. I have tons of jobs which give me satisfaction a little bit – it’s better than doing nothing.

I’ve been addicted to watching House M.D. lately, astig!!! Crush ko nga si Allison Cameron, cute nya..hehe.. Bagay sila ni House.. Kaso alang kwenta si House, bato! Anyway, malapet ko ng matapos season 2. Haay, sana meron ng mag-upload ng season 3 para madownload ko na..hehe..

Byernes na byernes wala akong lakad! Tara labas tayo? Kahit san..

I was looking for an intriguing qoute to end this nonsense entry but a friend of mine gave me this quote instead. Labo noh, pero mas okay na kaysa wala. Hehe.. =p
“There are some things that we never want to let go of… people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world. it is the beginning of new life.”

Finally I decided to smile. Yippee! This maybe the last entry that I will be talking about myself in a flesh. Hehehe. Kakapagod maging seryoso, kasi naman lage ko iniisip na ayaw kung makasakit ng tao at di bale ng ako yung masaktan. Haay. Eversince kasi I was born puro kadramahan na lang ang nangyayari pero ngayon I want to think in a different perspective, I just want to enjoy life, bahala na kung anong mangyari kinabukasan basta ang gusto ko maging masaya habang nabubuhay sa mundo. Hehehe!

All the entries that were published from this blog were so sad, depressed, dejected and low-spirited. I reveal too much of what I feel, thinking that the world was against me. For the past few months I was so weak, fragile and helpless. They say “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength. While loving someone deeply gives your courage.” I have the courage but I don’t have the strength. Haaay! I read a poem lately which closely describe what I feel at those times and I want to share to you

I’ve been hurt, Lord.
I have loved and received nothing in return.
I have tried hard to care and failed often.
I have been warm and received a cold shoulder.
I have been through it, Lord.
I’ve fallen on my face.
I’ve banged my shins.
I’ve been bruised.
Look, Lord, I’m all covered with scars!

Buti na lang I have tons of friends that I can count on na kahit wala ako naikwekwento andyan sila that’s why I dedicate this entry to them.

To you, thank you for everything. You may not know it but I was so happy knowing you.Thank you for sharing your time with me at those days when I was so down. I will never forget those times that you gave me. I will always remember you for being so sweet, thoughtful and kind, sana sana… haaay (ayaw ko na… malulungkot nanaman ako.. ). I appreciate every single moment that you shared with me. I always enjoy your company, sana kahit minsan maulet yung mga paglabas natin, meron ka na kasing ibang kasama eh. I will always be true to the promises I’ve made. Nandito pa rin po ako lage for you. THANK YOU po sobra!

To you, kaparehas talaga kita ng wavelength. Hehehe. Ang saya mo kasama. Partner talaga kita sa pagcocommit ng krimen. Hahaha. Sa susunod na trip san kaya? hehehe. Hindi ko pa nasasabe sa ‘yo to pero thanks po.

To you, what can I say, thank you for making me smile at those times. Thank you for making me realizes that I am who I am. Thank you for reminding to be independent once again. You may not know my problems most of the time but you’re there to make me smile. I will never forget your quote. hehehe

To you, thank you for all those comments even though it hurts me. Reality bites! Tsk tsk tsk! Sensya na hindi na ako nakakasabay pag-uwe, hehehe.

To you, thank you for sticking with me. Sobrang tagal na ng pinagsamahan natin at hanggang ngayon solid pa rin. Thanks thanks po talaga. I hope I can return all the favor you gave me. Ingats po lage.

To all my Friday Gimik Barkada, grabe sobrang saya kayo kasama na kahit walang tulog ang saya pa rin. Hehehe. Tara tara ulet kahit saan! Minsan sa mas malayo naman. Hmmm, how about sa amen? Hehehe.. saka na lang paayos ko pa yung kubo namen. Hehehe.

Well, after a storm a rainbow lies ahead – hope i can see it soon…

Bahala na kung saan pupunta
ang gusto ko lang naman ay makasama ka

Bahala na kung anong mangyayari
ang gusto ko lang naman ay maging maligaya ka

Bahala na kung iiyak ako
ang gusto ko lang naman ay mapasaya ka

Bahala na kung masasaktan ako
ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ka

Bahala na, bahala na…

Medyo matagal ko ng nasulat ito at matagal na syang nakasave lang sa draft ko, hindi ko alam kung ipopost ko ba o hindi pero sa bandang huli ipopost ko pa rin at eto nakapost na nga (pansin mo?! hindi po joke ito, nagpapansin lang.. hehehe) kasi minsan eto yung naramdaman ko. Bahala na talaga, yan ang paniniwala ko dati na hindi ko pinansin lahat ng pwedeng mangyari basta bahala na. Siguro nga manhid na ako at eto lang naiisip ko. At alam mo ba kung ano nangyari? Ah ewan bahala na (labo noh?).. bahala na!!!

PS. Nagawa ko to nung time na akala ko pwedeng gawin lahat sa mundo. tsk tsk!

Finally I was able to start ‘blogging’… It's been quite sometime ever since I wanted to create one and at last I was able to have it. By the way, I'm Xian, I’m not a writer so I hope you don’t expect that much from me.

Most of the entries that will be published on this blog will not be my own story but from someone whom I’m very close with. In fact, we’re almost the same, there were so many similarities between us and the only few differences we have are the way we think and feel. Let me introduce to you Ditz, his stories will be the center of all the articles that I will be writing. Though I’m not a good writer I will try my best to express everything about him – from what he feels (frustration, anger, disappointment, loneliness and happiness) and thinks (ideas, opinion and belief). There are already some entries that were jot down prior to the creation of this blog. So come and join me as we journey to the ups and downs of the colorful life of Ditz.